It is 26 days until Christmas. This is a magical time for kids as well as grown ups. Black Friday is behind us and we are looking forward to celebrating the birth of Christ. The tree in Rockefeller Plaza was lit last night and people all over the world are contemplating upcoming family gatherings.
You would think this would be one the happiest times of the year. Sadly, so much conversation is about how to split the time with both sides of the family. I have friends who's children are newly married and they worry if they will get to see them now that they are forming new family rituals. Some families are blended or divorced and the holiday negotiations have already begun to see who will get to have the children on Christmas morning. It is a source of much stress and can really affect how you view the holidays if you don't have a plan.
After my divorce, I dealt with some major tug-o-wars on who would get the boys on Christmas Day. The first couple of years were not pretty. My Ex would negotiate for time on Christmas Day and then, would not show up. So often, we would spend way too much time arguing about who turn it was or, in my case, how it would ruin my big family gathering not to have my boys there with me. Then, one day it hit me. Why am I getting so caught up on a particular day when I can just designate a day to celebrate Christmas with my family and friends and not get frustrated at a time that was meant to enjoy your family.
I call my system "The holiday in lieu of day." When I worked in Human Resources, we had 24 hour/7 day operations like the hospitals and some people had to work on Christmas. For those people, they got to designate a day, in lieu of Christmas, that became their holiday. So many people would celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve or even the week before. What those people found was that they didn't have to fuss with ex-spouses or be sad that their grown children had chosen to spend Christmas Day with the in-laws or friends. It was a win-win.
The way for this to really work is that you have to decide that the day you choose is really the holiday. You don't spend December 25th still being sad that your family is not there for the "real" day. It takes some work to get it going but after a few years, it really works. The goal is to be able to spend time with your family during the holidays with the least about of stress and as much joy as you can handle.
The reality is that you want your children to associate this time with joy and not stress. You don't want to make your grown children feel guilty at this time so that they no longer look forward to the holidays. For my family, we work to make the holidays at time of being thankful to God for all of his gifts--especially the gift of eternal life through Jesus. Our boys are all grown and not married yet so we are really enjoying this period of having them all home again.
I know this period won't last and I am already thinking of ways to make future holidays work for everyone involved. We are a huge sports family and look forward to watching bowl games and basketball as we gather together. All the boys can cook so there is healthy competition in the kitchen and everyone gets to make something for the meal. We need to incorporate a family workout session before and after so we can enjoy all the food that we make with no guilt!
Every day with family is precious! Take the time now to ensure that you have a special ritual and day during this season to really enjoy your family. When your children are much older, they won't remember how much money you spent on a gift. Their memories will shaped by how they felt when you were all doing things together. Enjoy making the memories!
Peace!
DJ
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