Let's Talk Sports!

Today begins the roll out of the National Alliance of Youth Sports' Let's Talk Sports video. I had the joy of filming this video last month and hope to see it in every elementary and high school in America before too long.

The goal of Let's Talk Sports is to provide an opportunity for parents and their children to discuss the valuable life lessons that are learned when children participate in sports. At the end of the day, we want parents to not only ask their child "who won?" but "what did you learn today about determination? Or, "How are you demonstrating leadership on the team?"
In a world where we are competing with video games and cell phones when trying to connect with our children, this activity is designed for us to unplug and talk about lessons that will last them a lifetime.

The video is free and can be viewed at letstalksports.nays.org.

Take a  moment and view the video.  It requires that you sign up so that you can stop and start without losing your data. Please share it with every parent, coach, sports volunteer and any one who cares about children and values.  Let me know what you think.

Let's begin the conversation!

DJ

Remembering

This has been a week of so many emotions. On last Thursday I had just gotten my house decorated for Christmas.  My middle son, Joshua Alexander had just finished his last paper signifying his completion of all requirements to graduate from the University of Kansas and I was finally getting into the holiday spirit.  Then, I turned on the television Friday evening to discover that 20 children and 6 adults had been murdered in a horrific incident in Newtown, Connecticut.  

There are no words to describe a feeling a mom has when any child dies.  But it really leaves you numb when  such a senseless thing occurs.  So many emotions washed over me and now I am left with a profound sadness for those who are left to deal with this madness.  

I am always touched by the love and concern that surround communities when tragedy occurs.  Each day there have been reports of what people are doing to make sure the memory of the 26 who perish lives on. 

It is my prayer that something good comes out of all of this.  I am can only imagine how difficult it to have conversations with your small children.  Please take a moment to review this post at Sideline Pass that helps address the questions that you may be confronted with: http://www.sidelinepass.com/eight-tips-for-answering-questions-about-sandy-hook-elementary-school/

At this moment I am praying for the families in Newtown and hugging my boys just a little tighter as I am reminded just how fragile life is.  

Life Lessons from Mom -Being Present

My mom had an incredible sense of humor and a razor sharp wit.  Even after she was admitted into a nursing home and had some challenges with dementia she still kept her wit and humor.  My sister Sylvia was her primary care giver and worked tirelessly to make sure mom's paperwork was always in order and that she had what she needed. Sylvia was there most days and mom looked forward to her visits.  Mom had loads of people who loved her so it was normal for her to have two or three visitors each day.

One weekend, Sylvia came to visit me and was unable to visit mom. Mom called Sylvia and was pretty upset about the fact that she was sitting in her room with no visitors. Sylvia handed me the phone in an effort to calm mom down.  I asked mom what the problem was and she told me that she was sitting in the room all alone with no visitors. I began to remind her that it was only 10 a.m. and that she had lots of visitors the day before. To that she replied "I am not talking about yesterday.  Everyday has to answer for itself."  When that didn't work, I told her if she couldn't be with the ones she loved, love the ones she was with"  To that she replied, "Well I guess I am loving AIR, because that is all I see right now!"  Sylvia and I could not stop laughing at that.

It has been over a year since that incident but it stills reminds me that the only day we have is today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised.  Mom had a way of enjoying her days and was always busy making a difference in the lives around her.  When you talked to her, you had her complete attention.

I now realize the power of being present.  Just because we open our eyes each day doesn't mean we are actually in the moment.  Our best thinking can only be done when we can give our total thought and attention to the situation at hand.  So often, we are busy multitasking and rushing that we forget to live.

I have begun to sit still for 10 minutes a day.  I mean really sit still.  This means no surfing the web on your cell phone and having no television or radio on to distract you.  It really helps it you can do it without fidgeting or moving.  Before you know it, you will be keenly aware of your thoughts and surroundings. This will lead to some wonderful discoveries about yourself and your life.  It will also help you to understand the people around you a little better each day.

Once you have mastered that, try to really listen to the people around you and be present with them.  You will be surprise at what you discover.  I have found that I am more productive and my relationships are more meaningful.  This is especially important if you have children (that include grown ones!).  Life is a gift--be present and enjoy it!

DJ

Life Lessons from Mom - Don't Forget!

I was talking to a friend not too long ago and she told me she had just joined the "Gratitude" movement.  She was beaming about how good she felt when she would write a note or make a call to someone to say "thank you."  I was happy she was taking the time to give thanks but I wanted to tell her that my mom started that movement for me a long time ago.  Whenever someone would do something nice mom would take out her pretty stationery (she kept loads of it!) and wrote a note to tell the person how much she appreciated what they did.  Often she would tell us "Remember to praise the bridge that carried you over to safety!"

I grew up with a great respect for bridges.  When I was a kid, we would go and visit my Uncle George over in Pittsburgh.  It seemed like we had to cross hundreds of bridges to get to his house. The cars back then were huge.  I would sit on the floor in the back seat and close my eyes until we  would get across the bridge.  It never ceases to amaze me that we could be so high above the water and the bridge would support us and all the other cars that came across at the same time.

When I first learned to drive, I went to visit my sister in San Diego.  Her husband was stationed on North Island Naval Base.  He told me that I could use the car for the day if I would take him to work.  I had no idea that meant driving him across the Coronado Bridge to get there.  It was a huge bridge that connected North Island to San Diego and it go higher as you curved around on it. It is 200 feet in the air at the highest point and 11,179 feet long.  I was so scared that I was driving with only one eye open!  My brother-in-law begin to scream for me to open my eyes!

I eventually got over my fear of bridges and I am very thankful for how they allow me to get to places I would never have seen without them.  I will be forever grateful for the people who have been my "bridges" in life.  My mom was one of my biggest cheerleaders and teachers.  Whenever I would take her to dinner or send her the smallest thing, she would send me a note to let me know how much she appreciated it.  She did this will all of my siblings and anyone who did something for her. She wanted you to know that your act of kindness did not go unnoticed.  I have so many of those notes and letters and now they are a reminder of the importance of staying "thank you" and the wonderful feelings it brings to the recipient.

So many young children (and some adults also) have not been taught the art of gratitude.  It is not too late to learn! The next time your child gets gift, tangible or intangible, encourage him or her to write a note of thanks.    Buy them some personalized stationery and a book of stamps to make it convenient.  While you are at it, buy yourself some fun cards and nice paper to have on hand for when you need it.  Go ahead!  Make someone's day with words of praise.

Enjoy!

DJ

Life Lessons From Mom - Hold On!

Today I was talking with a friend and she said "I cannot believe so many challenging things are happening at once.  I don't think it can get any worse!"  That seems to be the sentiment of so many people I have talked with lately.  We just dealt with another hurricane, too many close friends have lost a parent this year or are dealing with the reality of caring for a sick parent; relationships are fragile; and financial woes seems to be rampant.  I can hear my mom saying, "Hold on! It is always darkest before dawn."

It's strange how things seem harder to deal with at night. As a child I was afraid of the dark and everything just looked scary.  I would turn the light on and would try to go to sleep before my mom would tell me to turn the light out. As I got older and encountered life's issues and situations, it was amazing to me that what seemed so hopeless one night could all be changed for the better the next day.  

My mom raised 6 children while working full-time most of that time.  After twenty-five years of marriage she went through a divorce had to rear three of us by herself and it was not always easy.  During that period, mom cared for her mom who succumbed to cancer when I was in the sixth grade.  Mom would work a full day and then come home and attend to our needs and made sure my grandmother had what she needed. Mom didn't complain and found reasons to laugh even in the midst of it all. 

Over the weekend we made the 11-hour trip to Kansas for our middle son's season opener.  I like to drive at night to avoid the rush hour traffic.  We travel all the way on Interstate 70 and there are long lonely stretches in the road where there are farms on each side of the road.  In some places it is so dark that you can only see what is in your headlight beam.  Around six o'clock in the morning, the dawn breaks and what was pitch black starts to take shape and before you  know it, houses appear and you can see the beautiful landscape. It is a beautiful sight. 

When life is wearing me down and things don't seem to be getting better, I remember what mom told me and  start looking for daybreak.  No matter how long the night seems, HOLD ON!  It is always darkest before dawn. Don't give up!  Daybreak is coming!  

DJ

the moment after which the sky is no longer completely dark; formally defined as the time at which the sun is 18 degrees below the horizon in the morning.^[1]

Life Lessons from My Mom - Wake Up!

My birthday is tomorrow.  I have an annual ritual that I begin a few days before my birthday where I look at my life and review where I am.  I decide what is working, what needs more work and what is not working.  I also use this time to think about how I want my life to be different for the coming year.  Often I daydream about my perfect life and how I would live it if it could all come true.  

Yesterday, I was thinking about turning 55 and all the things I have yet to accomplish.  When I started to spend too much time just dreaming about it, I could hear my mom's familiar saying in my head, "Nothing comes to a sleeper but a dream."  I could hear her screaming "Wake up Debbie!" 

My mom had a thing about using time wisely and she was not afraid of hard work to make her dreams come true.  She wasn't one to wallow too long about things that weren't going right.  Mom was always devising a plan to get something that she wanted. She worked a full-time job and many others on the side. She would work 8 hours and then come home and press ladies' hair to make extra money.  She sold her famous yeast rolls to make sure she had money to go on trips with the church or get something for us.  No matter how much was involved, Mom found the time to do the things she thought were important.  

I talk to many parents and they tell me how their teenagers spend most of the day sleeping.  Others tell me how their college age children don't have tuition for the coming year yet they spend most of the productive time of the day sleeping or laying around daydreaming about what they wish they had. That would never happen in my mom's house.  She made sure we got up early and were actively engaged in something productive. 

When I was younger I thought it was not fair to spend the summer getting up so early and having to work on school work even when school was not in session.  As the years went by, I learned the value of making plans and staying ahead of the game when I was working toward something I wanted. 

After five decades of wisdom from my mom, I have realized how much of who I am came from listening to her and following through with the advice she gave me.  If you are reading this and realizing that you have done way to much dreaming and not enough doing to realize your dreams, WAKE UP! IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Start now by making every day count.  Do whatever you need to do to get where you want to be.  Let me know how you are doing.  

DJ

Life Lessons from My Mom - Priorities

In my world, life is a constant juggle.  There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything done.  No matter how early I get up and how late I stay up there is always so much left to get done. My mom raised 6 children;  worked in the emergency room of University Hospitals for over 30 years, kept an immaculate and orderly home; found time to care for others; grew a beautiful flower garden every year; worked in the church and still found more time to keep herself looking good.

When I was struggling with my young sons and traveling a lot for my job I called my mom to asked how she did it all.  She said, "Baby, You gotta put your priorities in the right perspective."  She learned this long before Stephen Covey taught us to do "first things first." 

When I was I child, I marveled how my mom got it all done.  No matter how early I got up, she was up even earlier.  After 25 years of marriage, my mom and dad divorced and, although it was not easy for her, she managed to keep it together.  She paid off our home by the time I was in junior high school.  She knew has had to get the bills paid and on time so she stayed up late, putting all of her bills in a ledger and getting them mailed on time. 

No matter how busy she was, she made time to listen to me and my concerns about life.  No matter how exhausted she was, she could be found on her knees beside her bed praying to God and giving thanks. She knew the power of laughter and there was no shortage of fun in our household. 

Being on time was a priority for mom and even though she didn't drive, she kept a schedule for every bus in Cleveland and would get where she had to go.  When things would come up at the last minute, she would re-group and make the time to get important things done.  

She made seeing about others a priority and used her love for writing and cooking to comfort and encourage so many.  Even after she had a stroke and had to slow down considerably, she once again shifted her priorities to do what she could do.  She graciously dealt with her new limitations and let go of things that she was no longer able to do. Her new priority was living out her last days ensuring that her legacy was in tact.  She wanted to make sure that all of her worldly possessions found a good home.  She gave nuggets of wisdom  as long as she could. At 85 years old, she had a video filmed of herself so that we would have it to share with our off-springs for years to come.  She even left a poem for us in her safety deposit box in 1987 with a note on it that read "I hope this gives you comfort when the time comes."  She added "I hope you won't need it for a long time."  That was 25 years ago! 

Mom made the most of every day by keeping her priorities in order.  My goal is to learn from that lesson and  look at how I am spending my time and make daily adjustments to make the most of each day.  Some things we must get done and we have to recognized those things.  Other things can wait when something more pressing comes along.  The key is to pray for wisdom to know what to do when.  

How will you spend today? Take time to look at your life and see what changes need to be made.  I would love to hear from you and have you share what you are doing to make each day really count.  Remember, you have to keep your priorities in the right perspective!  

Be blessed!

DJ