Life Lessons From Mom - Oops!

The past few weeks have been challenging, at best. I lost two dear friends and had a serious bout with food poisoning. It has been seven months since my mom passed away and I can still hear her voice in my head.  My mom was such a wise lady and had an amazing sense of humor.  She would tell us a story and before she could finish it, she would make herself laugh.  

Today was one of those days when her sayings were rolling around in my head.  I was in bible study and we were studying the stories of Abraham and Ishmael and of Isaac and Esau.  Our bible study leader asked why we thought people repeated the same mistakes over and over. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out "It's because they don't believe that fat meat is greasy!" The entire group began to laugh and I had to laugh myself.  That was one of my mom's sayings whenever we did something that she told us not to do and then reaped the consequences of our actions.

Why do we make the same mistakes that our parents have made, especially when we know what the outcome is going to be? We can tell our children stories of our own childhood mistakes and they still won't learn until they try it and fail on their own. My bible study leader said it best "That is the human condition in a nutshell!"  

I talked to a mom today who was so sad that her child made a serious mistake that the mom worked so hard to help the child avoid.  I could feel her pain as she told the story.  She told me, in detail, all the efforts she made to explain to her child how to avoid making this mistake.  That was still not enough to keep her child from this situation.  I told her that sometimes our best efforts cannot keep our children from themselves. Sometimes, all we can do is pray for our children and make every effort not to wear them out by telling them "I told you so!"  There is nothing stopping you from whispering "You didn't believe fat meat was greasy, did you?" Of course, I wouldn't recommend this for serious situations.  

I never cease thanking the Lord for a mom who taught me so much about life and living. I pray you have a great week and take some time to laugh. It will make even the worse situations bearable.  

DJ

Life Lessons from Mom - Don't Forget!

I was talking to a friend not too long ago and she told me she had just joined the "Gratitude" movement.  She was beaming about how good she felt when she would write a note or make a call to someone to say "thank you."  I was happy she was taking the time to give thanks but I wanted to tell her that my mom started that movement for me a long time ago.  Whenever someone would do something nice mom would take out her pretty stationery (she kept loads of it!) and wrote a note to tell the person how much she appreciated what they did.  Often she would tell us "Remember to praise the bridge that carried you over to safety!"

I grew up with a great respect for bridges.  When I was a kid, we would go and visit my Uncle George over in Pittsburgh.  It seemed like we had to cross hundreds of bridges to get to his house. The cars back then were huge.  I would sit on the floor in the back seat and close my eyes until we  would get across the bridge.  It never ceases to amaze me that we could be so high above the water and the bridge would support us and all the other cars that came across at the same time.

When I first learned to drive, I went to visit my sister in San Diego.  Her husband was stationed on North Island Naval Base.  He told me that I could use the car for the day if I would take him to work.  I had no idea that meant driving him across the Coronado Bridge to get there.  It was a huge bridge that connected North Island to San Diego and it go higher as you curved around on it. It is 200 feet in the air at the highest point and 11,179 feet long.  I was so scared that I was driving with only one eye open!  My brother-in-law begin to scream for me to open my eyes!

I eventually got over my fear of bridges and I am very thankful for how they allow me to get to places I would never have seen without them.  I will be forever grateful for the people who have been my "bridges" in life.  My mom was one of my biggest cheerleaders and teachers.  Whenever I would take her to dinner or send her the smallest thing, she would send me a note to let me know how much she appreciated it.  She did this will all of my siblings and anyone who did something for her. She wanted you to know that your act of kindness did not go unnoticed.  I have so many of those notes and letters and now they are a reminder of the importance of staying "thank you" and the wonderful feelings it brings to the recipient.

So many young children (and some adults also) have not been taught the art of gratitude.  It is not too late to learn! The next time your child gets gift, tangible or intangible, encourage him or her to write a note of thanks.    Buy them some personalized stationery and a book of stamps to make it convenient.  While you are at it, buy yourself some fun cards and nice paper to have on hand for when you need it.  Go ahead!  Make someone's day with words of praise.

Enjoy!

DJ

Life Lessons From Mom - Hold On!

Today I was talking with a friend and she said "I cannot believe so many challenging things are happening at once.  I don't think it can get any worse!"  That seems to be the sentiment of so many people I have talked with lately.  We just dealt with another hurricane, too many close friends have lost a parent this year or are dealing with the reality of caring for a sick parent; relationships are fragile; and financial woes seems to be rampant.  I can hear my mom saying, "Hold on! It is always darkest before dawn."

It's strange how things seem harder to deal with at night. As a child I was afraid of the dark and everything just looked scary.  I would turn the light on and would try to go to sleep before my mom would tell me to turn the light out. As I got older and encountered life's issues and situations, it was amazing to me that what seemed so hopeless one night could all be changed for the better the next day.  

My mom raised 6 children while working full-time most of that time.  After twenty-five years of marriage she went through a divorce had to rear three of us by herself and it was not always easy.  During that period, mom cared for her mom who succumbed to cancer when I was in the sixth grade.  Mom would work a full day and then come home and attend to our needs and made sure my grandmother had what she needed. Mom didn't complain and found reasons to laugh even in the midst of it all. 

Over the weekend we made the 11-hour trip to Kansas for our middle son's season opener.  I like to drive at night to avoid the rush hour traffic.  We travel all the way on Interstate 70 and there are long lonely stretches in the road where there are farms on each side of the road.  In some places it is so dark that you can only see what is in your headlight beam.  Around six o'clock in the morning, the dawn breaks and what was pitch black starts to take shape and before you  know it, houses appear and you can see the beautiful landscape. It is a beautiful sight. 

When life is wearing me down and things don't seem to be getting better, I remember what mom told me and  start looking for daybreak.  No matter how long the night seems, HOLD ON!  It is always darkest before dawn. Don't give up!  Daybreak is coming!  

DJ

the moment after which the sky is no longer completely dark; formally defined as the time at which the sun is 18 degrees below the horizon in the morning.^[1]

Life Lessons from My Mom - Wake Up!

My birthday is tomorrow.  I have an annual ritual that I begin a few days before my birthday where I look at my life and review where I am.  I decide what is working, what needs more work and what is not working.  I also use this time to think about how I want my life to be different for the coming year.  Often I daydream about my perfect life and how I would live it if it could all come true.  

Yesterday, I was thinking about turning 55 and all the things I have yet to accomplish.  When I started to spend too much time just dreaming about it, I could hear my mom's familiar saying in my head, "Nothing comes to a sleeper but a dream."  I could hear her screaming "Wake up Debbie!" 

My mom had a thing about using time wisely and she was not afraid of hard work to make her dreams come true.  She wasn't one to wallow too long about things that weren't going right.  Mom was always devising a plan to get something that she wanted. She worked a full-time job and many others on the side. She would work 8 hours and then come home and press ladies' hair to make extra money.  She sold her famous yeast rolls to make sure she had money to go on trips with the church or get something for us.  No matter how much was involved, Mom found the time to do the things she thought were important.  

I talk to many parents and they tell me how their teenagers spend most of the day sleeping.  Others tell me how their college age children don't have tuition for the coming year yet they spend most of the productive time of the day sleeping or laying around daydreaming about what they wish they had. That would never happen in my mom's house.  She made sure we got up early and were actively engaged in something productive. 

When I was younger I thought it was not fair to spend the summer getting up so early and having to work on school work even when school was not in session.  As the years went by, I learned the value of making plans and staying ahead of the game when I was working toward something I wanted. 

After five decades of wisdom from my mom, I have realized how much of who I am came from listening to her and following through with the advice she gave me.  If you are reading this and realizing that you have done way to much dreaming and not enough doing to realize your dreams, WAKE UP! IT'S NOT TOO LATE! Start now by making every day count.  Do whatever you need to do to get where you want to be.  Let me know how you are doing.  

DJ

Stay in Your Lane!

I have flat feet and have never been able to run comfortably. My favorite activity is walking. I have spent my life running vicariously through my friends, children and other track stars.  I look forward to the Olympic track meets where I can see the world's best runners in competition.

As I was watching the 400 meters semi-finals, it struck me how important it was to stay in your lane. The rules for track call for a runner to be disqualified for a race where they do not keep inside the lines of their designated lane.  They can be disqualified if their feet touch the line.

That made me think about my journey through life as a parent.  It is so important for me to stay in my lane to first, take care of myself and secondly, to allow my children and others around me to do what they need to do on their path.

Staying in your lane does not mean you have to have blinders on.  It is necessary to know what is happening around you so you can make adjustments when needed. At all times, we need to be focused on our assignment in life and not get sidetracked or tripped up by merging into areas that are not our responsibility.

If we are not careful, we can drift into our child's lane, taking over things that they should be doing.  We get frustrated because our stuff isn't getting done and they are frustrated because they are not allowed to grow and figure things out for themselves.

There are great rewards for finishing our course well.  When we stay in our lane, we provide an example to our children and others around us.  We are able to pace ourselves and take the time we need to really take care of ourselves and we can actually get things done.  

Take care to stay in your lane and finish your race well!

Enjoy!

DJ

Life Lessons from My Mom - Priorities

In my world, life is a constant juggle.  There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything done.  No matter how early I get up and how late I stay up there is always so much left to get done. My mom raised 6 children;  worked in the emergency room of University Hospitals for over 30 years, kept an immaculate and orderly home; found time to care for others; grew a beautiful flower garden every year; worked in the church and still found more time to keep herself looking good.

When I was struggling with my young sons and traveling a lot for my job I called my mom to asked how she did it all.  She said, "Baby, You gotta put your priorities in the right perspective."  She learned this long before Stephen Covey taught us to do "first things first." 

When I was I child, I marveled how my mom got it all done.  No matter how early I got up, she was up even earlier.  After 25 years of marriage, my mom and dad divorced and, although it was not easy for her, she managed to keep it together.  She paid off our home by the time I was in junior high school.  She knew has had to get the bills paid and on time so she stayed up late, putting all of her bills in a ledger and getting them mailed on time. 

No matter how busy she was, she made time to listen to me and my concerns about life.  No matter how exhausted she was, she could be found on her knees beside her bed praying to God and giving thanks. She knew the power of laughter and there was no shortage of fun in our household. 

Being on time was a priority for mom and even though she didn't drive, she kept a schedule for every bus in Cleveland and would get where she had to go.  When things would come up at the last minute, she would re-group and make the time to get important things done.  

She made seeing about others a priority and used her love for writing and cooking to comfort and encourage so many.  Even after she had a stroke and had to slow down considerably, she once again shifted her priorities to do what she could do.  She graciously dealt with her new limitations and let go of things that she was no longer able to do. Her new priority was living out her last days ensuring that her legacy was in tact.  She wanted to make sure that all of her worldly possessions found a good home.  She gave nuggets of wisdom  as long as she could. At 85 years old, she had a video filmed of herself so that we would have it to share with our off-springs for years to come.  She even left a poem for us in her safety deposit box in 1987 with a note on it that read "I hope this gives you comfort when the time comes."  She added "I hope you won't need it for a long time."  That was 25 years ago! 

Mom made the most of every day by keeping her priorities in order.  My goal is to learn from that lesson and  look at how I am spending my time and make daily adjustments to make the most of each day.  Some things we must get done and we have to recognized those things.  Other things can wait when something more pressing comes along.  The key is to pray for wisdom to know what to do when.  

How will you spend today? Take time to look at your life and see what changes need to be made.  I would love to hear from you and have you share what you are doing to make each day really count.  Remember, you have to keep your priorities in the right perspective!  

Be blessed!

DJ

Going For The Goal

I have been so inspired by so many of the Olympic stories.  As a sports mom, I know the high cost that my boys have   paid to do what they love. This morning I watched an interview with Gabby Douglas after she won the women's gymnastics all  around gold. She said that she trains herself mentally and doesn't  waste time looking at the scoreboard.  What a wonderful lesson for life that is!

As parents, we often determine how well we or our children are doing by keeping score. We can lose out on the joy of the journey by spending too much time keeping score of how we are doing compared to other parents. The reality is that we have to keep our eyes on the prize, and do our best with rearing our children. In turn, it will teach our children to do the same.

I often tell my boys to just do their best and leave the rest to the Lord. Once you do all you know to do, no matter what the outcome is, you will know there was nothing else you could have done.  I am sure it is heartbreaking for the athletes who have prepared to the best of their ability and then miss the mark by making small errors or just having a bad day.

Only one team or individual will win the gold in a particular event. Even with this fact in mind, every Olympian trains with the thought that they will win that honor.  As parents, we must teach ourselves and our children to go for the gold in life.  We must believe that our dreams can come true and then take the necessary steps to make it happen.  Don't let what others are doing discourage you from investing in your dreams.

If you need some encouragement, take some time to follow some of the stories of this year's Olympians.  Some have lost parents along the way; they have had to move far away from home to get the coaching they needed; they have endured injury and defeat all along the way; but in the end, they achieved the ultimate dream of competing with the world's best athletes.

Often, the only difference between those who get what they want out of life and those who don't is having the determination to do what needs to be done. When we stop focusing on the competition and begin to look inward, we can achieve great things.  Stop keeping score and go for the gold!

DJ

Re-Frame Your Life

This morning I met with my dear friend, Leah, and we were discussing the realities of  becoming the parents of grown children.  My youngest son will be 20 years old tomorrow and will begin his second year in college.  The middle child is a senior in college and my oldest graduated from college six years ago.  I was lamenting that they are all doing "their thing" and I been forced to re-think my role that I had been playing for the past 28 years.

Through a series of events I realized that my boys have been my top priority for a long time. Now that they are adults, I have had to take a hard look at my own priorities and re-frame my my life in a way that makes sense now.

I have spent so much of my life putting myself and my issues aside to make sure my boys had what they needed.  It actually feels strange and even selfish to put myself first for a change. My oldest son constantly tells me to stop being so concerned about he and his brothers and use that energy to go where God is leading me. WOW...that feels weird coming from my child but I finally realized that not only was he telling me that I needed to focus on me but also that he and his brothers needed their space to learn how to be an adult.
I no longer need to remind my boys (yes, I do know that they are men now!) to remember important stuff and, if they do forget, they will figure it out.  I am realizing that the things they needed me for in the past are no longer necessary and all the lessons they have learned over the years can now be put into practice.

At first it felt like I had been "laid off" from a job I loved but with each passing day, it feels more like being retired from a job with a huge severance check.  I still get to visit my co-workers (my sons) but we don't have that day-to-day work relationship anymore.  I also realize that I am too young to really retire so I now get to start my new job that has a lot more options.

I finally have no excuses for making more of my dreams come true.  The real gift is that the more I am doing my thing and following my path, the more confident the boys are in doing the same thing.  I now see one of  my jobs as setting an example for my boys on how to live their adult life with purpose and excitement.

Take some time to look at your life and make sure you are not spending your days living vicariously through your child but instead, re-frame your life and keep a proper balance.  I am already seeing some great benefits from this new perspective.  Enjoy!

DJ

Life Lessons From My Mom

Hello!  I am back after a long hiatus from writing.  I had to take a "time out" and deal with pressing issues of life.  There are some things in life that you cannot put off until later and you cannot do over.  Five years ago, my mom, Geneva Hubbard, suffered a stroke at 87 years old.  She was a vibrant active and very determined woman who, willed herself to take therapy twice a day (the doctor recommended it once a day) and was able to leave the rehabilitation facility and move in with my sister.  A year later, she suffered a more debilitating stroke and was not able to recover from that one.  She needed round the clock skilled nursing care and was eventually admitted to a nursing home.

Over the past four years my mom dealt with a slow but steady decline in her health.  She ended her battle with diabetes on July 7, 2012 at the age of 91.  I got to spend the last three days of her life at her bedside and got to reflect on just how wonderful my mom was. In 1968, when my grandmother passed, my mom told me "When you lose your mom, you lose your best friend."  I now know just how true that is.  

Since mom's death, I have received so many notes and messages of encouragement.  So many of the notes contained stories of the wisdom my mom had passed on to my friends and family.  My mom was known for her wit and wisdom and had a saying for EVERYTHING! I spent my life listening to my Mom's stories and, by the time I had my boys, I was repeating so many of Mom's sayings.  It wasn't until recently that I realized how much wisdom was in all of those sayings.  Beginning today and each Monday thereafter, I will be sharing my Mom's sayings with you and some of the wisdom I have learned from them. My friends started calling Mom's sayings "Geneva-isms" 

My favorite "Geneva-ism" is "You got to go to bed with waking up on your mind!"  My mom has told us that repeatedly.  I once asked her how she could wake up without an alarm clock and she said "Baby, I don't need a alarm clock, I go to bed with waking up on my mind!"  She could go to bed late and still get early.  She was known for being places on time or early--never late!  She said you will miss out all that life has has for you if you don't look forward to all that it offers.  That has resonated with me over the years and when I have really important things to do I focus on what time I need to get up the next day and I am always up before that time.  

My mom lived life to the fullest and even on her worse day, she found reasons to smile and say something positive.  She had a genuine love for the Lord that was demonstrated in the way she loved her children and those around her.  By the end of her life she was unable to walk, eat, use her hands or do anything much on her own.  Even in that state, she would look over at me and say, "It's still nice to see you."  She didn't complain and was mostly concerned about us (her children).  

Isn't that just like a mom!  She has taught me so much about caring for myself and my children.  August is just around the corner and for so many moms it means the start of another school year, sports season, getting the last vacation in, visiting with grandchildren and juggling so much! Don't forget to the joy on the journey and every day, find something to look forward to.  When the day is over, go to bed with waking up on your mind!  Enjoy your week!

DJ

Train up a Child

Everywhere I look I hear someone hating on Tim Tebow!  Every week I am reading a commentary or listening to a sports announcer musing about how “over the top” Tebow is with his faith and why he should tone down his message and just play ball.  We live in a world where negativity is always front page news while the special interest story may not even make the news at all.

People who really know me know that I am not a Gator fan (I am mean, SERIOUSLY—They are the team that robbed my Buckeyes and my child of the National Championship Title in 2006) and I am not a Broncos fan (that same child went on to play for the Raiders-Need I say more?).  What I am is a mom and a child of God who is thrilled that there is a player out there whose walk matches his talk.  I am not talking about the player who gets down on one knee after a big play and then is arrested for a DUI after the game. Nor am I talking about the person who thanks God for his victory and then is ranting and cussing on Facebook (sometimes this happens on the same post).

Tim Tebow grew up in a Christian home where it was common to give back to the community, go on mission trips and do the right thing.  I am not saying that Tebow is a saint, but it sure is refreshing to see a child who was trained well and hasn’t forgotten what he has learned.  That is a parent’s dream.  It seems to be paying off in his first season as a Bronco.  Every week someone tells me that Tebow is just not that good and then has to eat their words when the Broncos win again.  I believe that living right has its rewards. 

We are living in an era where it is hard to find role models in high profile places. Thank you Tebow for not being ashamed of who you believe in and for his parents who seemed to have done a great job training up this young man.